A BIG ANNOUNCEMENT

I'm making a major change in my life. Well, I suppose it would be more accurate to say I'm continuing with a period of major change in my life.

In case you haven't heard, my wife of 13 years and I separated in May 2018. The divorce has been finalized in the courts and we are both legally free to do as we wish in regards to romantic endeavors.

Of course, having gone through this long and unnecessarily excruciating process in the court system, it makes one ask: why the f*ck is the government involved in the marriage business anyway? But that's an issue for a different day.

The big announcement is this: I'm moving out of the United States on August 12, 2019. I met a gal who lives in Vietnam. Her name is Shafieh Dorry, but everyone calls her Sana (pronounced "sauna"). With all due respect to women I've loved before, Sana is the best woman I've ever known. Within just a few moments of meeting her and getting to know her, I knew I'd potentially be making the biggest mistake of my life to not pursue the relationship with everything I've got.

So beginning in March 2019, I began in earnest to convince Sana that I'm worthy of her respect, affection and love. And it seems to have been efficacious because I'm indeed flying to Vietnam on August 12 to make the relationship work, as they say.

I've told only a few people about this until now. This is the first public announcement I've made about it.

Each time I've shared it with friends and family, a bunch of questions have arisen regarding the move, the relationship between Sana and myself, my relationship with my son and so on.

So I'll address the questions I've been asked most often now.

What about your boy?

Not surprisingly, this is the first question that people ask when I share the news.

The best way I can answer it is this: I'm thinking long term, what is best for him. Of course, he needs a relationship with his father. When I informed my ex-wife that I was leaving the marriage, I never intended to leave my son. However, my ex-wife has acted as though that is the case. Her behavior, her attitude toward me has been contemptuous. She and her family members who live in the Virginia Beach area have been hostile toward me, oftentimes with our son present.

She has made very serious allegations against me, none of which have any merit. Even after several expert interviewers, ranging from a child therapist, the CPS and a forensic psychologist concluded her claims were unfounded, she refuses to acknowledge her allegations were in error.

I could go on for quite awhile about my ex-wife's attitude and behavior. Suffice it to say that the prospect of raising a child with someone who refuses to believe I didn't do the horrific things she says I've done to our son is untenable. My hope is that while I'm living abroad, she'll evaluate her priorities. Is it more important that she be angry with me, or that her son have a relationship with his father?

If she continues her hostile attitude toward me, the best option is to live apart and be a positive influence on my son in the time we're allowed to be together, be it in person or otherwise. One of the reasons I began looking for another woman is I wanted to show my son what a healthy relationship with a woman looks like. It was clear that was not possible with his mother and I living under the same roof. But I do believe it's possible with Sana and me, assuming things continue to go as they have for the last 5 months.

Are you bringing Sana back to the United States?

The short answer is this: I don't know.

I'm sure we'll be here often, seeing how I have a son here, and Sana and my son do have a very good relationship.

There are a couple of issues to consider:

Sana is an Iranian citizen, and there is currently a travel ban on Iranian citizens. And you can understand the apprehension of a person who has never even visited the United States to live in a country whose government is increasingly hostile towards hers.
I have my own concerns about living in the United States. While I embrace the notion of "live free in an unfree world" the thought has crossed my mind more than a few times that living abroad would indeed be a better option than here in the U.S. Plus, I'm inclined to think that my son spending his summers in places like Vietnam, S. Korea, Uzbekistan or elsewhere wouldn't be a bad childhood at all.

So the answer to that particular question remains to be determined.

Are you and Sana going to get married?

We're going to live as though we're married. However, to what extent we allow a government to be involved in our personal lives is unclear at this point. If it becomes necessary to become legally married in order to live in a certain place together, we'll cross that bridge when we get there.

But like I said before, the bitter experience with the demise of my previous marriage raised serious questions as to what business the state has being involved with marriage in the first place. It's certainly not my top priority to have a government validate my relationship with my woman with some sort of bullshit "marriage certificate."